I thought it might be time to talk about the 800-pound elephant in the room, or at least in my head. Even though I like to consider myself spiritual and thoughtful, I succumb to some negative thinking at times. Jealousy is one. It can appear when life seems to be moving for everyone else. And it is not always easy to admit that. Sometimes the feeling arrives quietly, disguised as a simple question about timing. Then it grows until it starts taking up far more space than it deserves.

I have watched friends get married and have babies while I’ve stood by smiling and buying presents off of countless registries. I started to think about all of the weddings I’d been in, attended…and all of the baby showers. While I was happy for my friends and they were celebrating a joyous and momentous occasion, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. What did they have that I didn’t? Here I was celebrating for someone else again.

But the thing I realized is, jealousy is not so honest. Jealousy happens when you put yourself in a position of always wanting, and not realizing what you presently have. It tries to make you believe proclamations that aren’t really true, like I’ll never find someone or all of the good ones are taken or gay. But in the moment of jealousy, they seem like truth. Those thoughts can feel convincing even when the facts do not support them.

I still struggle with jealousy. There are many things I want. But I don’t think my life is somehow “less than” because of what someone else has. Comparisons are useless. If I am too busy dwelling on what I don’t have, I can’t actually realize an opportunity right in front of me. I likely would never have met my boyfriend, started writing, or done anything else worth pursuing. Thanks, jealousy, for pointing this out.